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First Day of School Designated International Doom’s Day News 

First Day of School Designated International Doom’s Day

In a landmark decision in The Hague last week, the oldest tribunal on the planet, The Thing of
Gröenland, was forced to acknowledge the peoples’ will and designate the first day of the academic year as DOOM’s DAY!
When pressed for details, President-Elect Ferris Bueller said, “Við erum að alast upp togetehr, the
human race og við höfum uppgötvað mikið af því sem við vissum ekki. Við erum að finna leið okkar. Í
stað þess að hugsa um Doom’s Day allan tímann, hugsa um hversu fallegt heimurinn er. Við erum öll
saman, og saman erum við að verða vitrari.” Reporters from the Vanier Insider had to walk away
dumbfounded as we had no clue what he was yammering about.
If you were on campus Monday and got involved with the eclipse parties, you might have met Profs
Myriam Mansour, and/or Wissam Chaya.


Myriam heads the college’s Sustainability Major program and oversees the planning and upkeep of our several vegetable, flower, and herb gardens. Prof Chaya is in the Physics department, teaches Astrophysics, and is passionate about what’s going on in our sky. He generously shared his telescopes and knowledge on the lawn out front of the Sports Complex, telling your intrepid reporters and Insider Editor&Chief Upshaw, “dudes!!!… take a look at those sunspots!”. As usual, Prof Mansour was in good spirits and beaming with pleasure!
Chances of the school year beginning with a solar eclipse are in the range of 1 in (2^74,207,281 minus one) or, roughly speaking, a snowball’s chance in surviving a day in Hell.


Experts the world over said two things on Monday: 1) “make sure to use **approved** filters and devices when looking at solar eclipses”, and 2) “WOW!”.


Written by: The Oracle


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