I’m an American, specifically from Florida. My citizenship seems to shock people, as I am not, as you say, a “bootlicker”. It has been years since I have returned to the states, though it will always be home.
As I write this on election night, I must admit that I am filled with anxiety and fear. I fear that Fascism will overtake the country. I fear that a demagogue will be re-elected. I fear that my country will go back fifty years. I fear that more shall unnecessarily perish from the pandemic. I fear so many things. With 45 in office, I have never seen my country so divided. Racism and intolerance have become normalized by his behaviour. It seems that a civil war may break out at any moment, yet I hope for the best. It pains me so to see what four years of him in office have done. Instead of progress, I have only seen regression.
For several years, my mother has forbidden me from visiting the states out of fear for my well-being. As a femme presenting Asian person, my looks could very well get me hurt, or worse, killed in the South, from where I hail. People feel more comfortable expressing their intolerance, even if I was born and raised on the same soil as them. I often wonder if my childhood American friends would have grown to hate me and “my kind” if I had stayed in Florida. They might have been radicalized by the words of 45 and seen me as a threat when HE is the one putting them at risk. I may be American, but am I really one of them? I suppose I will always be seen as an outsider with my slanted eyes and yellow skin. I know very well that I am not their idea of what an American should be.
A part of me is thankful that I am living in Canada. My younger brother is currently undergoing life-saving treatment. Without universal healthcare, my family and I would have been bankrupted. We would not have even been able to afford his first injection shot. I am able to afford my anti-depressants and my birth control thanks to the government. These simple things are luxuries in the USA. Here, in Quebec, my rights are not under immediate threat. We are not inches from becoming the Handmaid’s Tale here, although it is not perfect either.
With the ballots slowly flooding in over the next few days, even weeks, it will be impossible to define a clear-cut winner by November 4th. I am afraid for all the marginalized groups living in the United States right now. The entire country seems to be on the brink of another civil war. Cities are boarded up and hundreds are prepared to camp out in their houses for some time due to the election. I feel helpless, as there is not much I can do except for watching with bated breath as the land of the free is inches from collapse.
By Scared American