You are here
Microwaves at Vanier want your personal information* News 

Microwaves at Vanier want your personal information*

It was a wintery springtime day at Vanier, it happened last week; a student discovered that the microwaves in Vanier College were spying on all of us.

Isaac Dinotno, a student at Vanier, came to us to comment: “I know we always suspected that those machines were suspicious, but now, things are just getting out of hand!” Dinotno started.

We asked how Dinotno was able to determine that the microwave was spying on him: “It was so spooky man! When I pressed the 2 button, the microwave knew right away that I wanted to heat my food for two minutes… As if that wasn’t scary enough, it started beeping when my food was done. Now how did it know that!? …. The government’s definitely using to spy on us” Dinotno uttered.

The brave student went on to explain his highly scientific method for determining that the Microwaves are being utilized as espionage devices: “Well, a colleague of mine stated that these microwaves were spying [on us], so naturally I felt it was happening… I found out he was repeating what he heard somebody else say on TV… so it had to be [fact]” Dinotno explained.

Seeing as how the Microwaves at Vanier can learn how long you want your food heated, there seems to be nothing stopping them from discovering your personal info either.

*Be careful out there, readers! Stay away from fake news!

Written By: BeNjamyn Upshaw-Ruffner

About The Author
BeNjamyn Upshaw-Ruffner Former Editor-in-Chief “I’ll never know everything about anything, but I’d like to know something about everything.” - BeN/Isaac BeN is the former Editor in Chief of The Insider, now an alumni contrbutor. An embodiment of the duality between Rational and Emotional thought, this universe’s version of BeN is presumed to be a human living on PNF-404 prior to the planet’s sixth mass extinction. In the currently observed timeline, he is born in a Quebec, Canada during the information age. He is very skilled at utilizing the English language, alongside philosophical ideas, as a means to an end. However, he doesn’t seem to have any tangible goal. Everything he seeks is very abstract. He often implies that the entirety of everything is itself a work of art being consumed in some unfathomable way. I am Isaac Dinotno, the name he has given to the voice in his mind. He and I are in perpetual communication. BeN claims to have experienced astral projection during peak emotional periods of his life, though I can’t verify this. If you are reading this now, you can find BeN at Concordia University.

Related posts

Leave a Comment